Think Locally, Grow Globally

Week 19- Be still and know


A clue!

Be still and know, I am not alone in my thoughts.  I am wholely interconnected with all, I see fear in my Mom, and so I know I feel fear in me.  The fear stops me, I remember what Davene said on the call tonight.  Oh yes, I have picked Option 1 so many times,  when I stumble, I run and hide, I  quit growing, and living.  It all is based on my own  fear of being hurt and humiliated beyond all repair. Irrational as is sounds my old blueprint has nursed, rehearsed and cursed that pain until it defined me and I unwttingly let my fear imprison me into  becoming  a victim. For the past 12 years and that is a hell of a long time, I have choosen to be alone and isolated, convincing myself that my life is easier, less complicated. Ha, my life is still filled with the same trauma and chaos, just dressed in a different variable than a bad marriage.    I am applying what I have learned here at MKMMA and choosing Option 3. Slowly, it is not happening over night, first I have chosen to gather information, for a long time, without applying it. Now to choose to apply it. What is that going to look like?  I engage first, give love first.  I have to be mindful to do this.  I am reminded of a young man who fell in step with me walking  to work the other day.  I was aware of him but did’t look at him, until I heard “Would you like to see my unicorn onesy?” Normally I would eye him suspiciously, but I was so caught off guard, I  burst out laughing and  said”Sure.”  When I think of that moment, I smile no barriers just two strangers connecting over laughter and silliness.  This is the clue, give of what you have in the moment and expect nothing in return, and the universe will do the connecting for you. Yikes another aha moment.

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