BlissYu

How hard is it to love yourself? I thought I did, until someone I loved treated me with disrespect and I did nothing about that, I accepted that treatment because in my core my peptides were screaming to say nothing. At that time in my life, others judgments of me were saying you are less so you should settle for less.

I realize I am not perfect, but I do have traits that I love about me. I now know I can suppress not so likeable traits and polish my good traits, just by what I allow past my conscious mind. The guardsman at the gate, so how do I help the ever vigilant guardsman? I turn off that darn tv, that slickly tells me about all that I lack, so I will buy more stuff to feed those ever screaming peptides, so that I can feel worthy, be a hero in my own life.

We know the authentic me giving my best to the world is the true hero’s journey, not the phunkin river of dreams.

So as Eleanor Roosevelt said,” No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

I will not be giving my permission!

Our lives are full of interruptions. It is like cracking rocks or is that cement.

Traffic, a sick child, a financial surprise, a long line up, a needy neighbor, a co-worker in crisis, unfaithfulness, divorce, illness, politics, and death.

Interruptions can be appointments for compassion. This is my moment to remind myself to slow down, observe the beauty of this crazy life and savor the love all around me.

I call the upholsterer to recover the cushions from my couch my dog has eaten, check in with my mom and rush out the door to help my stranded daughter, phone my tribe, rearrange my hectic schedule to chauffeur my older children to buy a new car all in 2 days.

Do I have an opinion? Nope. Do I judge? Nope.

I was simply reminded of the love all around me when my future son-law said: ” I have a hard time asking for help, and I wanted you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me, thank you.” My eyes brimming with tears, I say you are welcome.

So many opportunities to love people and for you to be loved and feel love.

Life will be a series of interruptions if you choose to look at it that way, or you can know more loves come to you when you give more time, help and love to others first.

Freely you have received; freely give.” Matthew 10:8b

Someone I love said something that hurt my feelings, I could have shaken that off, smiled and pretended I was fine. But beneath the surface, it lingers, festers and I withdraw myself emotionally. I treat this loved one with a frosty response.

Yes, the old blueprint has pulled in the welcome mat and slammed the door shut in my heart. I think to myself, Why should I leave myself open for more hurt?

To be honest I find it hard to overlook an offense or be overjoyed when someone gets something I secretly longed for or even be patient when I am stressed out. This is not who I want to be.

How do I change that?

Well, it starts with the law of giving and receiving, as my day starts I read how today, I am giving everyone a gift that I encounter, smiles, compliments and my pleasant demeanor. So I do it, smile at strangers, say good morning, hold open doors and guess what, this makes me feel happy, terrific and my day brightens. Wait a minute, I am supposed to be giving and making others feel good, so why do I feel good.

That is the goofy part of the law, making others feel good makes you feel good.

So today, an appointment to have my snow tires put on my car, turned into a bit of a mixup, but when I responded with grace and generosity it was met in kind, I heard those wonderful words “no charge” not only once but twice.

The more you give, the more you get, it is always flowing, so I am trusting this process because I know it was designed for my benefit by a much higher power.

The solar plexus, located behind my diagram is likened to the sun of the body it is distributing energy which the body is constantly generating, I read that over and over again, and find it fascinating. As I ponder this I become aware of the cd in my car, I have been playing this particular one for months straight, on my daily drive to run errands and visit my Mom at St. Joseph Villa nursing home.. But today I hear the lyrics loud and clear

” In my plan to be myself, I became someone else,

Dreaming dreams I hardly know,

Looking through the snow,

For the path to the place that I’d come from

I am searching for the source of the sun.”

Today, I sing those words with new meaning, I see the red pencil syndrome of becoming someone else, following other people dreams and my search to find the sun and the young girl I once was full of hope (the path I come from).

Completely blew my mind, and this inexplicable thing happened out of nowhere. Then I remember as I sit perfectly still, and think, what creeps into my sleeping subconscious, I remember, last June at the hospital, standing vigil as my father slipped away, I was in the hospital gift shop and on the counter, a small charm lays there in my line of sight that reads “Be still and know…” Psalm 46:10, I am mesmerized

Have I found the source of the sun? My mind is buzzing with energy and a strange sense of synchronicity. This MKE is a wild ride. Crack off another piece of cement.

This weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada.

What am I thankful for, I am grateful my mom is in a great nursing home.

I am thankful for the splendor of the fall colors, I have found two places that take my breath away, the brilliant red mixed with orange, I just stand and stare, pause and reflect, how lucky am I to live here in Sudbury.

This week has been about the pause, observe and reflect.

I now know I can attach any feeling I want to any situation I am confronted with, I choose.

I have decided  to practice patience  with my  92-year-old Mom  who refuses to wear her hearing aids because she is not deaf.  After my father’s death last year she has become so afraid of everything, maybe she has always been but I haven’t noticed.  But, still very defiant  and she tells me loudly ” I am not an old fart.” She wants to go shopping and walk by herself (refuses to take her walker) and tells strangers they are fat or old looking. Very inappropriate comments, nurses tell me she has no filters.  So our shopping outing  yesterday was quite an experience, my mom purchased some very blinging jewellery,  but I am grateful we are still able to share Mom and daughter time, and laugh hysterically at this slow decline into the “Golden Years.”

Happy thanksgiving Canada