BlissYu

Think Locally, Grow Globally

Week 18-Step into Life

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It would be easy to call myself a failure. I, who value love above all things, have failed in my marriage of 25 years. I am 60 something and single for the last 15 years. I retired, and my daughter has more money in her savings account than I have in mine. My heart is full of love, and I have no one to share it with but my community. I am resonably healthy and improving everyday and growing more and more gray hairs, and I could feel mediocre and unremarkable, despite my talents and passions. I don’t have a lot of hopes for career advancement because I have already arrived at my target. I recently learned that people are sitting around speculating about my love life (or lack thereof).

But I found the MKE, I choose to be happy, that swinging door in my subby, I push/kick that heavy door in the direction I CHOOSE. That is a remarkable way to live. I love it.

I am a good mom who enjoys spending quality time with my beautiful daughter and I feel that I have really learned to slow down and appreciate moments with her instead of always being in a hurry. I live a pretty sensible and responsible lifestyle, I spend lots of time with my mom at her nursing home and friends who care about me, and I have the chance to do good things for the people I love. I am challenging myself to acquire new skills—like writing a Divorce Care program for the Resoration Ministry at my church.—and there are many days when I feel truly happy when only 5 years ago prior to MKE that was rarely the case. I am smart and resilient and learning to live alone for the first time in my life, something I used to be terrified of but am handling remarkably well these days. I’ve been getting lots of compliments and high five’s from my random acts of kindness. I have plenty of reasons to feel pretty good about myself.

The truth is that I am both broken and beautiful. I fail sometimes and I succeed sometimes, but in the end I am simply me—a remarkable yet flawed creation of a loving and forgiving God. I am both a stumbling sinner and a saint walking in the light of God. I have the tools from MKE that push me forward and faith that makes the sun shine brighter. I am full of love , and I am well-known for both falling and stubbornly getting back up again. You can count on me to both despair in the night and sing with joy in the morning. Sometimes I shiver in the rain and sometimes I dance in it. I am weakness and strength, flesh and spirit. I will never be so broken that I am beyond God’s love or so beautiful that I do not need God’s mercy. I will never be such a failure that I am ashamed to look at myself in the mirror and say out loud “The gal in th glass.”. I will just be one more person trying my best to follow God and use my gifts to His glory. One more girl trying to love and be loved. Sometimes I won’t succeed, but, oh, sometimes I will. And that hope is worth holding on to, no matter how many times my heart breaks. Praise be to the God who simultaneously humbles my pride and makes my scars lovely to behold.

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