January 28, 2018
I have just finished Jan Arden’s book “Feeding my Mother.”
The struggle to be patient and kind, while looking after elderly parents with dementia, diabetes, congestive heart failure, arthritis and other milder ailments, well it is hard.
Jan seems to know my struggles, I can relate to losing my patience with my Mom and when I sit still and reflect, well it all boils down to fear, it is like being flattened by a boulder rolling down a mountain.
Time for reflection, the sits, my thoughts are powerful, the determine how my day will be, my sits will now be in the morning, so I can train my brain on how the future of that day will be, starting with gratefulness to have the opportunity and honor to look after my parents. A shift in perspective. The better version of me is emerging, I cannot cheat the gal in the glass out of the better version of me, I really don’t want heartache and tears, because I didn’t fully engage.
I am listening to the noise machine, the setting is the crashing of Hawaiian waves, I think of the question “What would the person I intend to be, do next.” The answer, she will engage like never before, and she will meet her future self in Kauai this June.
January 7, 2018
The new season of my life. The administrator of my Dad care and helping my Mom deal with the transfer of her beloved husband of almost 70 years to a nursing home the day after my birthday. What a ball of emotions, I am crying as I write this post, but this is the only time I can be a daughter and grieve. In conversations, with medical staff, I must be together. We discuss changes in medication, around the clock nursing care, a DNR orders, my heart is in my stomach. I remain stone-faced so my Mom has a shoulder to lean on, only when I am at home, I sob like a child at the thought of loosing my Dad. Today we are bringing my birthday celebration dinner to the hospital, I will have my birthday with my Dad for the last time.
December 28, 2017
I am so blown away by fall’s orchestra of colors, every turn on my path through the woods has me gasping for breath. Reds mixed with orangey peach color, shades of green sprinkled in, I marvel at its beauty and wonder how this is created just for me. It seems it has been placed on my path for my enjoyment alone. It helps me ease my worries and sort out complicated work problems without thinking about it, wandering in the woods just being me, stopping to observe small nests, twigs, the view over fields, watching deer jump the fences on the border of my property.
Without focusing on how; my aimless walks sort out more than I realized, in the quiet, my mind slows and I find myself smiling. Just being grateful for the view. I know we are following a more enlightened path, observing, loving being grateful, so being part of MKMMA we become nature’s greatest miracle.
December 28, 2017
I am rare, and there is a value in all rarity; therefore, I am valuable.
When is the last time you thought of yourself as valuable, a rare find? Looking for others to make you feel valuable, I keep waiting. I know I see myself as valuable because I give it to others first, love, acceptance, I stay in the flow and I become valuable to everyone I meet. I am extraordinary because in today’s world this behavior unique. We at MKMMA are rare finds indeed, more valuable than all the riches of the world.
December 17, 2017
Og, I forget the happenings of the day that is gone, whether they were good or bad, and greet the new sun with confidence that this be the best day of my life.
The future me, healthy, happy, feeling terrific, organized and making a difference in the lived of others.
These changes require hard work, pain, and unwavering determination. I am reminded of the movie “Wild.” Taking on a huge challenge without any experience, training or guidance. Relying on the kindness of strangers and your own smarts to outwit the human predators. I see similarities in navigating my own life, albeit much less dangerous.
I believe my God has a hand in my life, using the bad and painful to achieve good for all who are watching the transformation and changing me from the inside out by leading me through the master key experience