The struggle to be patient and kind, my emotions are in my control, I can choose to use my case of the grumpy pants(frustration). But how, R2A2 , yes recognize the rising frustration, stop , change gears(law of substitution) I remember a time my mom was chasing me at the park and I am running and and laughing , I let the memory sit with me and really feel it, I begin to smile. Why am I frustrated? Well it all boils down to fear, it is like being flattened by a boulder rolling down a mountain.
When my Mom gets it in her mind to walk to the local store, maybe she will forget how to find her way home. Today, she ordered on demand movies because she can’t figure out the remote for the t.v. Yesterday, she answered the phone by speaking into the t.v remote. Somedays there is laughter and just plain silliness other days tears.
Time for reflection, the sits, my thoughts are powerful, the determine how my day will be, my sits will now be in the morning, so I can train my brain on how the future of that day will be, starting with gratefulness to have the opportunity and honor to look after my mom. A shift in perspective. The better version of me is emerging, I cannot cheat the gal in the glass out of the better version of me, I really don’t want heartache and tears, because I didn’t fully engage in thinking my way to giving my mom a better life for the days she has left on this earth.
I am listening to the noise machine, the setting is the crashing of Hawaiian waves, I think of the question “What would the person I intend to be, do next.” The answer, she will be a better daughter and engage the wonderful mechanism, my subconscious and train that brain, and she will meet her future self in Kauai this June.